GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. - Nearly five million Americans have been diagnosed with dementia, and my mother is one of them.
Just a few months ago, we moved Mom into an advanced memory care facility. The hardest part was separating her from my dad. They've been married nearly 60 years.
"On average, it was three years between the onset of symptoms before they came into the clinic," explained Dr. Timothy Thoits. He is a dementia specialist with Spectrum Health and while he doesn't treat my mom, he proved to be a great resource when it came to talking about her journey.
"It does begin gradually, and it's progressive," he said. That was the case with my mom, too. I often wonder how I could have missed the signs. How could I not have known I was losing her?
I don't want someone else to feel that same guilt, so I asked Dr. Thoits what to look for. "A little forgetfulness," he answered. "'I don't remember so-and-so's name. I seem them every week at church but I just couldn't come up with it,' forgetting a conversation and then trouble with language.
"If you see a pattern, and it's not just one bad day or one bad week, but this has been going on for two months or this has been going on for six months -- then you need to bring it to attention."
Dr. Thoits heads up Spectrum Health's Dementia Clinic. They recently conducted a study that found an interesting statistic about dementia diagnosis, "Living with a spouse didn't bring you to care sooner and living by yourself didn't necessarily protect you either."
That could be why no one in my family saw this coming. Now the only conversations I have are ones I’m not sure either of us understand -- but we still have a lot to laugh about.
"She doesn't remember yesterday or last week. Remote memories are the last to go," Dr. Thoits explained. "And that's what she remembers now -- and they were happy times and so that's what she wants to talk about."
Sometimes she doesn't remember me, which Dr. Thoits agrees can be challenging but also a part of the disease. “Yes, this can be a challenge," he said. "That's advanced, when they don't remember children."
I know I lose her a little more every day and Dr. Thoits confirmed what I already know is coming. That someday, I’ll lose her completely. So, I’m learning to live in the moment with my mom before it becomes just a memory.
There is no cure for dementia and the only genetic test available is for the Alzheimer’s form of dementia.
There is some good news though, right now, Michigan State University researchers are working with Spectrum Health to find a biomarker for dementia that may someday lead to genetic testing.
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