GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — For many, Thanksgiving centers around turkey, stuffing and mashed potatoes. But for those experiencing disordered eating, the holidays can be triggering.
In 2013, Kelsey Berkompas began counting calories, which eventually developed to a more serious eating disorder. Now in recovery, she explains Thanksgiving would often cause her anxiety.
"Thinking about sitting around the table with my family and having them look at my plate," said Berkompas. "That was something that always really bothered me, people looking at my plate and monitoring how much I was eating, or not being able to control what food was being put on my plate. I was so knee-deep in that control that I liked to control everything that I consumed."
According to the National Eating Disorders Association, 28.8 million Americans—about 9% of the population—will deal with disordered eating in their lifetime.
Ann Donnelly is the vice president of medical management at Priority Health. She has also dealt with disordered eating in her family, when she noticed it happing to her daughter. Through her work and family experience, she has some tips to manage holidays if you or a family member are experiencing disordered eating.
"Finding other things to focus on, rather than that meal and the turkey and all the sides," said Donnelly. "So, take a walk, watch a movie, play some board games, or maybe get out some family photos and go through the albums and reminisce and create new memories this holiday season. You still have to eat, but maybe not make that the center of all the activities."
She urges family to have an open line of communication and become an ally to someone experiencing disordered eating. Let them steer the conversation and help with a plan to navigate the holiday.
"Disordered eating is often about control," said Donnelly. "When people are pointing out how you physically look, according to your size, it can actually push them more into that control mode, because that's how they cope with stress."
She said a strategy that worked for her family was talking to other members before gatherings to avoid commenting on her daughter's weight or eating habits.
Another key tip is to not "food-police."
"There's no, 'that's good for you, that's bad for you, that's too much for you, that's too little for you,'" said Donnelly. "Just let them find their way and making sure that they know they have a safe space."
Understand some people may not even be vocal with their disordered eating challenges, so it's best practice to avoid weight or eating habits of anyone at the table.
For Berkompas, she has been in therapy and recovering from disordered eating through the years. Sometimes, she may still have challenges, especially at holidays. However, she said reaching out to loved ones to talk about those challenges can remove some of the control from herself.
"When I have loved ones around me, or friends or family who know what I'm going through, and they know what my triggers might be, or they know type of things to avoid saying, I think that that can be really helpful," said Berkompas.
Donnelly wants Priority Health members to utilize their Teladoc Health Mental Health program, and notes they have access to a 24/7 hotline for support.
You can find more resources to manage disordered eating with the National Eating Disorders Association.
