GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — A change in routine and an increase in stress is hard enough for adults, let alone children, who may not have the verbal skills to express how they feel.
13 ON YOUR SIDE’s Meredith TerHaar spoke with child psychologist Dr. Nicole Beurkens earlier this week about how these uncertain times can impact our kids and what we as parents can do about it.
“During times of stress children tend to have some regression in their behavior, as they don’t yet have the verbal communication skills to really understand and talk about how they are feeling,” explained Dr. Beurkens. “Examples of common behavioral regression under stress include a return to bed wetting, thumb sucking, whining or clinging to a parent, refusing to sleep alone, and more.”
“Often parents will become frustrated because they feel like these issues were resolved, only to have them crop back up again,” she explained. “When we understand that this can be typical for children, and is part of how they are processing and struggling with change and stress, it allows us to be more empathetic toward them.”
Strategies to support children with these issues:
- Set and maintain structure and routine as much as possible
- Empathize with them when they are out of sorts or engaging in challenging behavior – let them know you understand they are upset, frustrated, sad, etc. Label how they may be feeling and let them know those feelings are valid.
- Give them space by themselves if they just need to be grumpy for a bit or work things out on their own. Some kids benefit from a parent staying close and giving a firm hug, sitting with them, etc. until they have calmed.
- It’s important to set appropriate boundaries and limits. Even though we can empathize with how kids are feeling and allow them to have those feelings, they still need to be held to basic limits like not hurting others, throwing things, being verbally inappropriate, etc. We can help children understand that how they are feeling is perfectly OK – but can’t act out on those feelings in ways that cause problems for others.
- Even though kids may be struggling more right now, parents still need to keep boundaries and limits in place. We can be flexible as needed, but not having structure and limits is actually more stress-inducing and upsetting for kids.
For more insights like these, visit drbeurkens.com.
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